Let’s talk about making pro/con lists when you’re contemplating breaking up with a guy.
I’ve done that. I’ve also made lists of my must-haves—things I know I unequivocally need any guy I date to have (FYI: That list is not long, and it contains things like “a kind heart”). The basic, core things.
But it can’t hurt to think a little bigger.
That’s not to say you need to have a laundry list of requests so long it’s impossible to find someone who meets all criteria.
Nor is that to say that you should be limiting yourself to one specific “type” of guy. I’m just saying that listing off all of the things you really, truly want in a guy is not a bad idea, and can help you recognize a great guy for you when you’ve found one.
Here’s a list of 10 universal good-guy qualities that can help get you started.
1. He’s kind to everyone.
Not just you on your best day but you on your worst. The same goes for the waiter who brought the wrong appetizer, his coworkers, his family (and yours), and pretty much everyone.
Someone who is genuinely kind spreads kindness wherever he goes.
2. He’s genuinely happy.
A happy person is not only a healthy person but also someone who is optimistic and fulfilled.
Who wouldn’t love life with someone like that?
3. He loves you.
Yeah, I know, duh. But I mean the real you. Not just the way you look or the things you do for him or the fact that you are conveniently 4 inches shorter, also love staying in on Friday nights, and get along with his family.
He must love the unique things about you, like how you’re always 30 minutes late to everything, how you put exactly three lemons in all your drinks, the long-winded way you tell a story, or how you always need the toilet paper roll so that the top flap faces down.
4. He takes care of you in bed.
A gentleman always ensures that the lady finishes first.
5. He makes you smile.
When you’re with him, and when you think about him.
. You can be yourself around him.
No matter how much you might be into someone, it’s never going to be real until you can let down your guard around him.
7. He’s the only one you fantasize about.
Do you know that thing that always turns your head when a hot guy walks by?
Maybe you’re a sucker for pretty blue eyes, or broad shoulders, or chiseled arms? Well, sex appeal is a total package that mercifully factors in more than just abs and penis size — your guy doesn’t need any of those things as long as he’s the one you want to be with.
8. He spends like you.
A guy who’s onboard to make your fantasy tour-de-France vacation a reality? Fantastic.
A guy who then complains about every dollar you want to spend on said trip? No bien.
If springing for the good rosé and staying in a schmancy hotel is your idea of fun, you need a guy that gets it.
Money is the root of a lot of relationship issues, so being on the same page about spending is crucial.
9. He doesn’t put up with your crap.
Whether it’s yelling instead of talking, being passive-aggressive when you’re upset, or some sort of family/work issue you’re taking out on him.
He knows your patterns and not only talks to you about them kindly but offers support when and where you need it.
Someone who can see you to your very core, accepts your flaws, and only wants to help you be a better person? That’s love.
10. He puts you first.
When it comes down to it, you are the No. 1 most important person in his life, and there are no questions about that.
If his friends want to do a guy’s weekend in Vegas, he says no because he’s got a good thing going with you, doesn’t want to get into trouble, and knows it will mean missing that concert you really want to go to.
And if his mom hates the wallpaper you chose for your first apartment together, you’ll never find out, because he tells her if you’re happy, he’s happy, and that’s the end of it.
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This article was originally published at Glamour. Reprinted with permission from the author.