Love is so challenging — finding it, keeping it, and, most difficult of all, getting love back from the person you’ve set your heart on.
Love is equal parts luck, chemistry, timing, and science. Yes, there’s science behind love, and that can work in your favor when you’re trying to figure out how to make someone fall in love with you.
But can you really make someone fall in love with you? Well, love isn’t just about finding somebody that you find attractive and settling down, it’s about compatibility and shared goals and values.
However, there are some psychological tricks you can use to make someone fall for you.
12 Ways to Make Someone Fall in Love with You
We’re not telling you to totally change or to do something that isn’t comfortable for you, we’re just suggesting that you highlight some things that you’re probably doing anyway.
So, if you want someone to eventually fall in love with you, here are 12 ways to use psychology to your advantage.
1. Make sure you’re the kind of man or woman they are looking for.
How can you make your crush fall in love with you? Most people have a list (even if it’s not written down) of the qualities we want in a partner. They may be superficial such as the color of their hair, or they may be set in stone such as a love of animals.
Obviously, there are some things on a list of must-haves that are negotiable.
Make sure that you meet the criteria of what your potential mate wants by doing a little research and learning about their interests and background.
2. Find out what’s missing in their life, and then fill that hole.
People who are searching for partners generally look for similarities, but what they may not realize is that they also need someone with strengths that they don’t have, providing a balance.
If your girl or guy is insecure and lacking in self-confidence, show them how confident and self-assured you are. They’ll be subconsciously attracted to you because you’re an example of how they’d like to be.
3. Be mysterious.
Don’t tell the object of your affection every single thing about yourself on the first date. Give them small pieces of information so they’ll keep wanting more.
Everybody loves a good mystery, and if you don’t reveal all, it will keep your potential mate intrigued.
4. Make yourself available… but only up to a point.
How long does it take to make someone fall in love with you? While the average length of time is roughly three months, making yourself available to the object of your affection can increase your chances and speed up the process.
The more positive interactions they have with you, the more they’re going to want to spend time with you. But people don’t want what they can have too easily, so it’s good to be unavailable sometimes.
Distance yourself without appearing too aloof and uninterested. You want to show them that you’re amazing and have a full life.
5. Don’t make it seem like you’re trying too hard.
If you come off as desperate, you’re going to scare your potential partner away, and if you’re too persistent you can come off as too needy and obsessive. It’s okay to show that you’re interested, but not that it’s all you think about.
For example, how do you make someone fall in love with you in text?
You may have a flirty back-and-forth, but if you are always quick to respond, they will start to wonder why you’re spending all your time chatting instead of fulfilling your obligations.
What’s worse, they may begin to question just how clingy you are, and become turned off by over texting or not respecting boundaries.
Just remember to play it cool at all times.
6. Have mutual friends.
If you share friends with the person that you’re in love with, it will not only give you all kinds of things to talk about, but it will subconsciously let them know they can trust you.
We’re wired to trust those that others can vouch for, and this is one of the reasons so many people meet the love of their lives through mutual friends.
7. Mirror their actions.
This seems a little creepy, but it has been used for years with some success.
Mirroring is about connecting with your partner by staying in step with their actions. If they take a sip of their drink, you take a sip of your drink; if they lean in when telling a fascinating story, you lean in, too.
When you copy someone’s body movements, it will lead them to believe that the two of you are in sync, and they won’t be able to resist feeling attracted to you.
8. Repeat things without being boring.
If during a conversation you mention something that seems to captivate their interest, make it a regular topic of conversation.
This continual conversation will stick in the subconscious part of their mind, and will be another way for them to associate you with someone who’s intelligent and a great conversationalist.
9. Do things that make people think of you as a positive person.
When people hear your name, do they think of you as a fun and happy person, or do they associate you with someone who is extremely negative and unpleasant?
We all know that each of us has some negative attributes, but that shouldn’t be your overall image.
The person you want to fall in love with you is bound to ask around about you.
You want people to let them know that you’re fun, adventurous, honest, and trustworthy. Do volunteer work or pay for the person behind you in Starbucks.
10. Let them know you love kids, animals, or both.
When we think of what kind of person we’d like to be in a long-term relationship with, we all want someone who is nurturing and loving. By showing them that you care for others, especially pets and children, you’ll be seen as a suitable partner.
11. Use priming.
Yale psychologist John Bargh studied priming and found that attraction is linked to temperatures.
In one study, participants were told to hold hot and cold beverages while judging a group of people. Those holding warm beverages judged the people as having warm personalities, while those who were holding cold drinks saw the people as having harsh and cold personalities.
Conclusions: skip the shakes and go out for hot chocolate or coffee when you’re trying to make a good impression.
12. Wear red to appear more attractive.
This trick has been around for a while but continues to get results. Studies have found that men are more attracted to women wearing red than any other color.
Go ahead and give these suggestions a try. They might not work, or they may surprise you and get you closer to the one you love.
Christine Schoenwald is a writer and performer. She’s had articles in The Los Angeles Times, Salon, and Woman’s Day. Visit her website or her Instagram.