Stoking the fire is a must.
If you want your relationship to last for the long-term, maintaining intimacy and a deep love connection is important.
As important as communication is, without a connection — touching, sensing, and giving what you have learned your partner needs — a relationship is less likely to be sustainable, even if you’re as deeply in love as can be.
A deep connection in a relationship is an all-important key component in order to have a happy love life.
So, if you want to maintain that intimate connection and keep your relationship going happily, here are 7 ways to do it.
1. Keep your partner’s most loving messages and texts on your phone
Reread or replay them if you are feeling less-than-fully satisfied with your relationship — or simply for whenever you want to smile.
Alternatively, you can take the initiative and leave sweet notes for your partner to find. Whether written on a mirror, hidden in the pocket of your partner’s coat or e-mailed at a precise time so it will be the first thing your partner sees when getting to work, your notes will make your partner’s day.
2. Make time to make love
Unfortunately, over time, most couples stop having sex with the frequency they did in the beginning of the relationship and call it normal.
The longer you are together, the more obligation you have to keep that spark flying and that usually means spending quality time alone together.
Take every opportunity you can to make love by word, deed, and physical touch, even if it doesn’t end in sex.
If one or both of you is too tired for sex by the time you go to bed, go to bed earlier. And you don’t need to be in your bed to make love.
Have sex on the weekends, during the day on the living room floor, on a pool table or in a guest room. If you’re with a lot of people, make love with your eyes. Steal glances across the room or touch each other under the table.
You don’t need to be ostentatious about your public displays of affection — grossing out the kids or dinner guests is not the goal. In fact, it’s more fun when no one knows you’re doing it.
If you need to communicate to your partner that you desire more sex, try to do it in a non-verbal way first. You should know by now what it takes to get him interested, so just do it.
And if you can focus on being a better and more generous lover, he’s probably going to want lovemaking more often, too.
If she is pressuring you for more than you want, express how attractive she is to you. Explain that her backing off a bit gives you room to desire her. Then, keep that promise.
3. Kick the kids out of your bed
The family bed concept is terrible for your sex life and can get a bit weird as your children grow. It might bring a sense of connection to the family, but it tends to lessen the connection between parents.
Also, take things a step further and put a lock on your bedroom door. Without one, having a comfortable and relaxing sex life is hard. You will always be nervous about your kids walking in and you really don’t want to risk traumatizing them or yourself.
After all, what’s sexy about an image of the kids walking in and screaming every time you and your mate start to undress?
You don’t have to keep kids out of your room at all times but make sure it’s on your terms and when your bedroom door is unlocked.
4. Keep your pets out of the bedroom, too
Bonding over a pet you both love is great. But, if one of you is bonding more with the pet than with you, you have a problem. If it’s the latter, it doesn’t mean the pet has to go, but reconsider its role in your life.
Pets can come between couples — literally and physically — and someone who is lavishing excessive attention on the pet may be avoiding intimacy in the relationship.
In addition, some pets like to sleep right between their two owners, making it impossible for you and your partner to touch each other, and touching, sexual or not, is good for a relationship or your health.
5. Do things together
Doing things together is a great way to be mutual. But, make sure you’re taking time to do things together just for the sake of doing them and not because they have to be done.
Quality leisure time is also good foreplay. Carve out some time to spend exclusively with your partner.
Take a class together, exercise, nap, and go out to eat or read the same book. Share a sense of adventure by traveling together. Train for a race together.
There’s a special bonding and turn on that comes along with working out together because your endorphins kick in and you and your partner will share a natural high.
You can get similar highs from sharing good food, laughter, socializing, learning, and volunteering. It really doesn’t matter what you do; the point is to do it together.
6. Share a calendar
This is of utmost importance to maintain healthy relationships. So many fights between couples start just because one partner didn’t have the right information concerning the date or time of an event.
This is precisely what a shared calendar can help prevent.
Sharing a calendar — either online or on paper — eliminates some squabbles. And irritation is definitely not foreplay.
He can’t be mad because he cooked a big dinner without looking at the calendar to know that you would be at spin class instead of the dinner table.
And you can’t be mad that he can’t come to your last-minute work cocktail party because you already know he has a long-standing weekly softball game and the team counts on him.
Fair is fair.
7. Enjoy every minute
If you are at a point where you are able to openly and honestly connect with your partner, you’ve also reached a point where you’re open and honest with yourself about who you are and what you need from life.
Enjoy and appreciate every minute, even the less perfect ones. It is easier to get through difficult times with consideration and respect, plus the cushion of a whole lot of love.
Dr. Janet Page is a psychotherapist working with individuals, couples, and groups in New York City and Atlanta and is available for appointments, consultation, or speaking engagements via phone, Skype, or in person. For more information, contact Janet.
This article was originally published at The Huffington Post. Reprinted with permission from the author.
