When you have low self-esteem, it can alter the way you look at yourself in an unhealthy way and negatively affect your self-confidence, self-love, and self-worth.
Add dating into this mix, and you’ll likely find yourself wondering how to get a guy to like you and worrying that you just aren’t good enough to love.
But this just isn’t true — there are some really simple ways you can improve your self-esteem and some helpful dating advice to make you feel more confident when you don’t know how to get someone to like you.
How you feel about yourself, your self-esteem, will be either projected onto others or secretly hidden from them.
And this occurs whether or not you are aware of doing it. How you feel about yourself affects the friends you attract, as well as future dating partners or mates.
But what is self-esteem, and why is it so important that you learn how to build confidence? Self-esteem by definition, “…reflects an individual’s overall subjective emotional evaluation of their own worth.
It is the decision made by an individual as an attitude towards the self.
Self-esteem encompasses beliefs about oneself … as well as emotional states, such as triumph, despair, pride, and shame.”
You tend to attract the same degree of self-esteem in others that you feel about yourself.
Therefore, if you are not liking your friends or dating prospects, you need to do a check on how you feel about yourself first.
What’s the point of worrying about how to make a guy like you when you don’t even like how you feel about yourself?
Dating is uncomfortable because you want to be seen as attractive to others, even if you don’t fully believe that inside.
Also, how you value yourself is going to determine the value of someone you attract to you. So revitalize your self-esteem and you can attract the perfect mate.
Here are 5 ways you can reset your low self-esteem and start attracting people worth dating into your life
1. Don’t hide who you are from others
It’s not uncommon for someone to hide who they are when they do not feel they have a lot of value to others.
For example, you might not speak up about something for fear of being rejected. Or you stay quiet and don’t actively participate for fear of being noticed and possibly rejected.
Remember, be who you are and the right people will be drawn to you. If they aren’t, they were the wrong people anyway.
2. Don’t focus on the numbers
The number of people you attract does not define your worth. Your worth is determined by how you feel about yourself.
And many of these people you might be tempted to artificially attract are those you really wouldn’t want to be around anyway.
So forget about the “crowd” and focus on those people that generally seem to interest you.
Don’t let others define your worth. In dating, you only need one “right” person who also values those qualities you value about yourself.
3. Present the qualities you value in yourself
Everyone has certain qualities they like about themselves. You may have a great sense of humor or excellent conversation skills.
You might have great hair or physique. Or it might be how you treat others with kindness and consideration.
Pick two or three qualities you most like about yourself and show them.
If you truly value these qualities, you are most likely going to show them well and with confidence.
If you don’t know what qualities you have, ask two or three of your friends what they most admire about you and practice showing those qualities.
But remember, you tend to attract people with the same self-esteem as you have.
So practice believing in yourself and you will attract healthier people around you.
Here are some great qualities you might already have:
- Outgoing personality
- Good energy that attracts others to you
- Humor, whether it is generally funny, sarcastic, dry or witty. Remember, humor is personal — not everyone is going to appreciate it. But the right people will get it!
- Great smile
- Nice hair
- Intelligent
- Kind
- Integrity — you come through with what you say or do.
- Helpful to others
- Spiritual
- Athletic
It’s important that you find value in yourself and practice self-love. If you don’t believe in yourself, then others are less likely to believe in you.
Find those things about you that you do like and value. Shine those qualities!
4. Be yourself
When you are just being yourself you are more at ease and confidence follows. You won’t have to wonder about how to make a guy want you, because people who feel the qualities you’re projecting will naturally be drawn toward you.
Remember, you want to attract someone who already sees the value in you for who you are.
Just be who you naturally are, and the right people are the ones who also see your value. If they don’t — wrong people!
5. Read your date’s self-esteem
Have you ever dated the person who needs to be “on” at all times? Like he’s trying too hard to be noticed? This may indicate his low self-esteem.
He does not believe that he has “enough” value without continually performing.
Just because people may value someone who is entertaining them doesn’t mean they want to spend a lot of personal time with them.
The person who only seems to value their looks can often signal they don’t believe in themselves as having value in general.
Someone whose actions don’t match their words means they are not living a conscious life.
They live in the moment to please others or look good. They may not even be fully conscious of what they’re saying in general.
What about the person who sexualizes everything in a conversation? Usually, it signifies they are lacking depth and likely don’t believe they have good qualities to offer someone.
There is a difference between being frugal (wise with money) and plain cheap.
Being cheap means they believe there are not enough good things in the world to go around, or they do not have trust in the world and in themselves that their life will be OK.
Here are some good values to look for in others:
- They treat others well.
- Demonstrating respect for others and themselves.
- They set healthy boundaries.
- Their actions match their words, so they are reliable.
- Being kind to others
- Someone who truly values himself in a healthy manner. This means he is aware of those qualities that allow him to feel good about himself.
- Generous in spirit and kindness.
- Can be funny but also thoughtful and kind.
When you believe in yourself, others will see this quality and the right ones will be attracted to you like bees to honey.
But you must first believe in yourself and project that confidence in your self-esteem! Remember, just because you don’t recognize some of the good qualities you already possess doesn’t mean they don’t exist.
Look inside and you will find them!
Susan Saint-Welch, LMFT, is a marriage and family psychotherapist who has been practicing in-person and online in the Los Angeles area for over 20 years and is published in MSN.com. Susan specializes in the art of dating, happy couples and creating great self-esteem. For more, follow her on her website.
This article was originally published at Life and Relationships 101. Reprinted with permission from the author.
