At least, if you want a relationship that lasts.
Have you reached a point in dating where you feel like you have this amazing ability for how to attract men with ‘red flag’ personality types into your love life?
These men seem practically perfect when you first start dating and falling in love. But not long after you decide to commit, they become needy, clingy, overbearing, and, sometimes, borderline controlling. Perhaps, they even become distant and uncaring.
These men seem practically perfect when you first start dating and falling in love. But not long after you decide to commit, they become needy, clingy, overbearing, and, sometimes, borderline controlling. Perhaps, they even become distant and uncaring.
The guys you have dated in the last few years have potential but, instead of fulfilling that potential, they leave behind a trail of drama in your life. Worse still, this keeps happening to you over and over again.
Logic should dictate that since you have everything going for you — looks, drive, and talent — you should know how to attract a man who is your equal. You might be surprised, however, to learn that this is rarely the case. The more accomplished the woman, the less accomplished the man is likely to be.
Many women are attracted to and fall in love with the image of what a guy can become, not who they really are at the moment.
Many women confess to having been there at one time: having fallen head-over-heels in love for a guy, despite an abundance of red flags waving in your face. And then, they even gave the guy a second or third chance … only to be let down time and again.
This can cause you emotional and physical damage, which is why you must learn how to familiarize yourself with the warning signs. That way the next time a guy with one of these personality types crosses your path, you will be able to sniff them out from a distance.
If you truly want to fall in love with the kind of guy who be an amazing boyfriend or husband, stay away from men with these 4 personality types at all costs.
1. Mr. Says ‘I Love You’ Far Too Quickly
He has very shallow emotions and connections with other people. One of the things that will probably attract you to him is perhaps how quickly he says he ‘loves’ you and wants to commit to you.
Within a few weeks of dating, you will be ‘the love of his life,’ and he will want to be with you forever. He will give you gifts, many promises and shower you with attention. You will be overwhelmed at how quickly things are progressing, but you will also be flattered.
This is a red flag because ordinary healthy people require a long process to develop relationships. A well-balanced guy will wait to know a lot of information about you before offering a commitment.
Kindly note that this type of a person lives in a fantasy world where nothing is real. He has extremely superficial emotions and he falls in and out of love on a whim. Indeed, he will detach from you as quickly as he committed.
2. Mr. Jealous And Controlling
When you first start dating, you normally won’t see any indication of the depth of his jealousy. With time though, he will become possessive, overprotective, over controlling, and even overbearing.
Your man will do everything in his power to cut off your support system, in order to control you. He will start by showing you how your friends treat you ‘badly’ and your family takes advantage of you. He wants you to withdraw from them so that he can increase his control.
This is all about his insecurity. He will also check on you constantly and keep track of where you are and who you are with.
3. Mr. Perpetually Broke
When you first begin dating, your guy will insist on paying for everything. This is to give you a false sense of financial security. Slowly he will start to milk you. Small ‘cash flow’ problems will set in and it won’t be long until you turn into his personal ATM.
More often than not, he lives on credit. This is complemented by a massive sense of entitlement; he spends way beyond his means.
Don’t be fooled by someone who showers you with lavish gifts at the beginning of the relationship. Eventually, you end up paying for every single one of them, and then some.
The most unfortunate thing is that this type of guy will not only leave you with heartbreak, but also severe financial hardship.
4. Mr. ‘Me, Me, Me!’
These types of guys are incredibly selfish egomaniacs. He is completely obsessed with himself and his image, and it’s always about him — never you.
He will talk about himself all the time and give you little time to speak. Your role is to make him feel good about himself and not bore him with all the ‘minute’ details of your life.
He also lacks empathy and will not stop for a moment to ask himself how his actions are affecting you. Worse still, he will criticize you and embarrass you in public.
And you will witness this egocentrism everywhere. He will be rude to the waiters or run off other drivers off the road because he thinks he is the best thing that ever happened to the universe.
If you keep dating selfish, immature and emotionally unavailable men like this over and over again, things need to change.
You’ve likely become so familiar with the pattern of frustration and heartbreak that you are almost becoming cynical about love. Before you give up on love completely, you need to learn to guard your heart against getting involved with poor-quality men who exhibit these ‘red flag’ personality types.
Women are naturally good at caring and nurturing, which is why you are wired to think you can change ‘bad boys’ and help them achieve their potential. You are so good at seeing your new man’s potential that you are able to visualize what he could become someday. You are ready to be his savior.
Unfortunately, if you approach a relationship with this mindset, it will never work. For starters, the man will resent you for not accepting him the way he is and for pressurizing him to change. On the other hand, you will loathe him for not becoming a better man for you.
These types of men are often charming — they know how to trick you into thinking that they are guys of substance and integrity.
They learn this tactic after being rejected countless times by perceptive women. In actual fact, these guys are actors, and you would have to be vigilant to figure them out.
They are good at stealing your heart and clouding your judgment. Before you realize what is happening, you will already be entangled in a complete mess.
If you have low self-esteem, you may often fall in love with these types of men and fall for their tactics.
We are almost always attracted to people who echo our inner dialogue, so how do you speak to yourself? What do you tell yourself in your quiet moments? What do you think you deserve?
If you examine yourself carefully, you will find that the people you date reinforce your self-talk. If you constantly question yourself and your value to the world; if you rarely feel good enough; if you feel that you do not deserve better, you will attract men who reflect those same qualities back.
Therefore, what needs to change is how you see and value yourself. Only then will you learn how to attract men of quality and build a beautiful relationship.
Ultimately, when you meet someone new, do not rush into things just because it feels so right at first.
Even if everything is going fantastic, wait and see to make sure that they are genuine. Keep your heart and your pockets firmly locked until they have proven themselves.
There is no urgency. Do not move in with them, bet your life savings or make any other long-term plans during the first few months. Enjoy the relationship, but keep your eyes wide open.
And your guy is sincere, he will also want to know you better before he makes any big commitment.
Randy Skilton created the website Attract Your Dream Guy to help women understand men, and create the fulfilling and lasting relationships they deserve. He has an Advanced Diploma in Social Science and a Graduate Diploma in Technology Education, and in his free time he enjoys spending time with his young family and, when he’s really lucky, working on his garden.
www.yourtango.com
