I have seen relationships start on a high note only to end in a very sensational, hurting way. Maybe you have experienced it, too.
And what hurts for women is that we are sometimes left clueless about why our relationships end — even when we put in our heart and soul into making sure it wouldn’t.
This happens to the best of women.
Maybe you have always considered yourself a “good catch.” Or maybe you put in effort trying to get the relationship started and to keep it going. Maybe you pull your own weight in the relationship — and even carry some of your man’s, too. Maybe you had one of those really intense, instant spark-great chemistry relationships at the start.
But now it’s dead.
Have you always been the one who is chased, cherished, loved and adored in a relationship at the beginning? And then, by chance, it seems that your man isn’t that attracted to you anymore?
Don’t act like his mother.
Men get into relationships because they want lovers, not mothers. They seek a partner, not a parent. Once you start hovering — micro-managing his every move, reminding him of things he needs to do — it is a major turn off. You can be guaranteed that your man will eventually tune out.
This is a common scenario in relationships: Women thinking they have “the right” to question their man’s every move and demand to know what he is doing every waking hour of the day. This is a sign of emotional insecurity and a pattern relating to a mother’s behavior.
Have you experienced a nagging mother? That’s how you look like when you act needy and whiny.
Tell me, how can a man be attracted to his own mother?
You need to start behaving like a siren — a woman considered to be dangerously alluring or seductive — or else your man will look for one in another.
Don’t be his psychologist
Are you familiar with this famous line, “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”?
Women try to be great decoders of men’s behavior. They try to understand men’s perspective on things and worse, even try to “fix” them and change their behavior. We like to be in control all the time so we plan things, even extending it to our men’s lives!
Nuh-uh, ladies. You absolutely can’t “fix” men. Men don’t need psychologists, and they don’t need your understanding. They need acceptance.
Men don’t unload their problems to you so you can fix them or give them advice. Sometimes, they just need a listening ear and someone to share their thoughts and feelings with, without judgment. When you go all Doctor Girlfriend on him and try to actively fix things and tell him what to do, chances are he won’t open up to you the next time.
Because here’s the real deal: You can’t change him. Men will only change their behavior if they believe it will make them happier and better men. They will only change when they think they should, not on anybody’s insistence. And yes, not even for your love.
Women lament and throw a fit when their men don’t change. Or sometimes, women wonder why he has changed when he was so great at the start of the relationship.
The truth is, men put their best foot forward when they are dating. So from the start, take note of the little things that annoy you that you may have let pass. Those small things are the deadliest rocks that will be a pain in the ass later on. If you can’t deal with them now, there is no point pursuing the relationship further.
Don’t be his last resort.
Does he only run to you when he needs something? Is he only attentive and sweet when he is asking for something, like sex? Does he only come to you when he has free time — after all his major activities with friends are finished? Does he only connect with you at a specific time, like when he is bored?
And the clincher here is — are you OK with this treatment? Do you let him get away with it?
If so, then you are just being his fall back guy — the person he runs to when he is bored or needs saving. If you think this is a way to hold on to the guy and make him “love” you because you are always available and ready to help him, you are wrong.
Men can’t respect you if you don’t practice self-respect. How can they love you when you don’t love yourself enough and put yourself first? If he treats you like this, then you are better off without him anyway. These are warning signs that he can be abusive in the long run.
Some might argue that attraction is just on the surface. But attraction is an integral part of sustaining a relationship. When the attraction starts to die, the relationship tends to suffer too.
And when it dies, it doesn’t take long until the relationship dies too.
