Because the dating scene just ain’t what it use to be.
When you’re in your early 20s, almost everyone is single. Then, around 25 or so, “it” happens. Men, all of a sudden, want to start settling down.
And if you’re as unlucky in love as I am, that means that you will end up being single, still trying to find The One who’s actually right for you. In a couple of years, almost everyone you know will end up settling down.
Unfortunately, single men who reach age 35 without being in a relationship are often dumpster fires. Like, really bad ones. Speaking as someone who’s been there, dated that, and followed all sorts of dating advice, these are the types of single men you’ll meet after you hit the big 3-5.
1. The Aging Player
If he was still 22, this might be alright. But when a guy’s single at 30 and still juggling women, it’s just sad. People who need to keep up the “Player’s Lifestyle” are not happy people; they’re often very lonely and very insecure.
They often have issues they may not even be aware of. Sure, these guys can coast along when they’re 30, but usually, by 40, they realize that men’s looks fade, too, and money can only go so far. Contrary to popular belief, men do end up losing value over time, too. After all, money can’t buy love — just sex.
2. The Bitter Man
Oh, he went through the wringer, he did! Much like bitter women, Bitter Men had just one too many bad experiences with the dating scene and now they are done. Unlike bitter women, though, Bitter Men express their bitterness with rage, and are very vocal about it. They want you to know the dating equivalent of, “You didn’t fire me! I quit!”
Much like the Aging Player, these men are very sad people. They may need mental wellness help, and they may need to do some soul searching. They know not all women are like that, but they’ve reached the point where the resentment and rejection got so bad that they no longer could have a healthy relationship, even if they wanted to.
3. The Frantic Man
Biological clocks happen with men, too. One day, this guy, possibly a player, woke up and realized that he needs a family. Now, he’s on the prowl, and he’s a bit desperate.
His friends are getting worried, and so are his family members. He’s hitting up Match.com trying to find The One who will be a good baby mama. Oddly enough, he’s probably not that bad of a catch. However, you better be willing to settle down yesterday with this one. Like, babies, ASAP.
4. The Divorced Dad
He’s a great guy, things just didn’t work out with his ex. There’s a small catch to dating him though, and it’s not really that small. He’s got a kid… or five. You better believe that he’s looking for a replacement mother for them, but there’s good news.
These guys, if you want to have a ring and kids, are a good option. Sort of. They can have baggage that might make you think twice, especially if you hear rants about baby mamas thrown in the mix.
5. The Married Guy Who Claims He’s Single
Yeah, they’re not single. They’re just horrible human beings who probably should divorce the poor women they swindled into marriage. Nothing about guys like this is sexy.
This is a huge portion of the reason why so many women end up having trust issues. But trust me, he’s in the minority. At least, that’s what I’m hoping is true.
6. The Dumpster Fire
Dumpster Fires are actually not always physically unappealing, per se, but that’s often icing on the cake. You see, the problem with Dumpster Fires is that they are literally unable to behave normally with other people. They often have an idea that something might be wrong, but they can’t, for the life of them, understand why they have such a hard time with people.
There are a million reasons why a Dumpster Fire could be a persona non grata in the dating scene. Whether it’s due to Nice Guy Syndrome, drug use, violent mood swings, or something else, the fact is that the Dumpster Fire is always a s***show in the dating scene, regardless of how much they can’t see that fact.
7. Mr. You’re-So-Nice-As-A-Friend
Some people, regardless of looks or personality, just don’t seem to have the right “zazz” to be considered f***able by others. He might have an “uncle face,” put off the wrong vibes, or just have some kind of mismatch in hormones.
Sadly, there’s not much people in this situation can do, aside from continuing their search, trying to improve themselves more, or giving up.
8. The Optimistic Quitter
Sometimes, love just doesn’t seem to be a priority, or rather, just doesn’t seem to be in the cards. Men, more than women, are likely to just stop trying to date anyone and are also likely to stop pursuing partners. Why? Because in many situations, it just doesn’t make sense to keep trying only to face an increased change of being shot down.
What’s cool about Optimistic Quitters is that they aren’t necessarily bitter towards women, and that they would be open if a girl were to approach them. However, due to the dating scene being what it is, they may not even pick up when a lady’s interested anymore.
9. The Manchild
Narcissistic and totally irresponsible, the Manchild usually does believe he wants to date someone. However, he doesn’t actually want a girlfriend. He wants a new mom. He also wants to have a mom that blows him and provides for him.
Woe is the woman who finds herself a Manchild boyfriend, because she’ll likely be burned out by the time she leaves him. Outwardly, though, he seems okay… at least at the start. That’s what keeps him being different than a Dumpster Fire.
10. The Guy Who Realizes He’s Messed Up And Refuses To Date Because Of It
Many of the types of single men you’ll see after 30 are just not respectable from a dating standpoint. But this guy? This guy, you have to respect. It takes a lot of willpower to actually admit that there are problems that need to be fixed before you get into dating again.
Some of these guys swear off dating permanently, other guys are just doing a temporary break. Either way, at least he’s being honest with himself.
11. The Guy Who Legit Is Happily Single And Won’t Change That
Social standards, be damned. Some folks are happy being single and want to stay that way. It happens to both men and women, so we can’t really hate.
12. The Catch
He’s got a Master’s from Yale, a kickass body, and, oh yeah, no psychological issues. He lives an action-packed life. He doesn’t have kids, either.
Problem? Well, he’s looking for his equivalent in a woman and, unfortunately, rare guys like this will end up staying single for longer because it’s so hard to find someone that perfect, regardless of gender.
13. The Choosing Beggar
Some folks hear the phrase “Beggars can’t be choosers” and don’t realize it applies to them. As unromantic as it is to say, there’s no such thing as a totally perfect partner, especially if you, yourself, are far from perfect.
However, Choosing Beggars will not give up their standards of seeing women who are modelesque, 5’10”, with a booming career, regardless of the fact that they often have pot bellies, bad personalities, and dead-end jobs. Oh well, single life isn’t that bad, right?
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer based out of Red Bank, New Jersey. She writes primarily about lifestyle, food, finance, and relationships. You can follow her Twitter.
