Do you know the key ingredient to great sex?
When you hear the word “intimacy”, what precisely does it mean to you? Is it just about a sexual relationship, or does it mean something more?
According to Intimacy Coach Jaja Kaboja, intimacy is so much more than just sex. And it’s also more than just sharing private details of your life with another person.
It’s all about feeling safe with your partner. Truly safe.
Intimacy, she says, is at the very heart of your relationship, and it’s the bond that keeps you together.
When you feel safe in a relationship, you are at ease. You can explore your desires and fantasies together, share dreams, and yes, even talk about your inner fears.
But when there is a lack of intimacy, or feeling safe in your relationship, it can affect all areas of your life — including your sexual time together.
Many people might seek out talk therapy in order to rebuild the trust in a relationship when it feels like it’s lagging, and when intimacy issues arise. But for Amy, at least, talk therapy wasn’t working in her sex life.
She sought out someone that could help take her and her partner through the process step-by-step, and this is an area where traditional talk therapy did not extend.
And because she couldn’t find anyone who focused on what she needed, Amy went and spent years studying and working on different kinds of techniques to bring people closer together.
These include tantra, sexual intimacy coaching, and couples therapy that she combined into a way for couples to reach new levels of soul-to-soul connection through simple sounds, phrases, and touches that can help calm your nervous system and synchronize it with your partner’s.
As it turns out, there is far more you can do to restore intimacy and spice up your sex life than just talking in therapy.
And other types of intimacy coaching can assist and boost the talk therapy that you’re already going through.
You and your partner can absolutely restore and deepen your connection! But intimacy and sex can’t just be talked about. They need to be experienced.
One way, Amy suggests, is to try having an intimate encounter with little to no words. You can say sounds, the words yes and no, and each other’s names. But every other verbal word is out. Words can distract you, and the only thing you should be focusing on is the pleasure.
And there are other important tools for intimacy that you can learn and use, over and over again, to make each time with your partner even better than the last.
Here are three keys to restoring and building your intimate relationship:
- Presence
Foreplay is about presence.
Let go of the outside world and connect and synchronize with your partner. Really take your time, slow down, and be in the moment so that you and your partner are experiencing the most pleasurable sensations together. Don’t rush this time! Really focus on each other and relax. Put your hand on your partner’s chest, match their breathing, and say their name.
- Curiosity
This is what makes great sex—or, as Amy says—great pleasure.
You’ll need to stay with the pleasure and not just focus on reaching orgasm. Orgasm is the climax, and you don’t need to work at getting there as long as you and your partner are going for it together. Pay attention to the things that really turn each other on and also use every tool at your disposal. You are sure to never get bored!
- Connect in the afterglow
For a moment during orgasm, you are completely at ease and you are letting everything go.
It’s important to stay connected with each other during and after this period by touching one another or even speaking each other’s names. Make sure to really get the most of your time together by bathing in the afterglow and not breaking the moment for as long as possible. Again, remember to take things slow and don’t rush it.
This part is every bit as important as any of your other intimacy tools!