Why do people cheat? It’s one of the all-time classic questions about being in relationships, and perhaps one of the most relentlessly confounding as well.<\/p>\n
Because in our society, marriage is the ultimate signature of becoming a grown-up, and being a cheating husband or wife (or even a cheating boyfriend or girlfriend, to be honest) flies in the face of all we hold most dear.<\/p>\n
I’ve cheated on boyfriends. Three of them. One of them knew I was having “an affair”, and two of them never found out.<\/p>\n
When I talk about my cheating phase with friends, I make it sound like I’ve learned my lesson and that I’ll never do it again, and for the most part, I have. But I also know that I’m easily tempted.<\/p>\n
This is something I should probably discuss with a therapist, as well as a significant other when that situation presents itself, but for right now, I can honestly say that I cannot promise I won’t cheat again.<\/p>\n
I also can’t honestly tell you whether your own significant other will cheat or what their reasons were for cheating on you in the past.<\/p>\n
What I can tell you, however, is what went through my own head when I cheated … and why I kept doing it.<\/p>\n
Here are 6 honest answers to the question, “Why do people cheat?” \u2014 based on my first-hand knowledge as a woman with plenty of experience having affairs.<\/p>\n
No one feels good about cheating, but fooling around on the side can be an easier way to end a relationship than dealing with the mess of a breakup, especially when there’s no “good” reason for the breakup to occur. It might make you the villain, but it gets you out of a relationship in a hurry.<\/p>\n
I’ve pulled the trigger on a dating situation this way before. We’d been dating for six months and I knew it wasn’t working, so I started dating other guys while we were still supposed to be exclusive. I ended the relationship by letting him know I met someone else.<\/p>\n
The cheating happened because, in my mind, the relationship had already ended.<\/p>\n
You don’t stop noticing attractive people simply because you’ve gotten serious with someone.<\/p>\n
I don’t cheat all the time, but I’m tempted to a greater degree than most of my girlfriends.<\/p>\n
Maybe it\u2019s a sign of a higher libido, or maybe it\u2019s a sign of me being terrified of commitment. Whatever it is, I can\u2019t help being attracted to men I\u2019m not dating.<\/p>\n
Relationship experts would likely say it\u2019s important to talk this out with your significant other and to try methods like role play to you can inject adrenaline into a boring bedroom routine, but that all requires insight and forethought \u2014 which are usually lacking in a cheating situation.<\/p>\n
The best sex of my life was with a casual thing with a man who moved to London a few years ago.<\/p>\n
In a way, I feel like he\u2019s someone who was “grandfathered” into my life.<\/p>\n
I know we\u2019ll never have a relationship because of the distance, and I\u2019m pretty sure he\u2019s cheated on a girlfriend to be with me, so even though I know it\u2019s not rational, I feel like being with him doesn’t count.<\/p>\n
Besides, I barely like him as a person. And since I have no feelings for him besides the physical attraction, being with him doesn’t feel like a betrayal in the same way it might if I truly had an emotional attachment to him as well.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve never had an \u201cemotional affair,\u201d and even though most people wouldn’t agree, I don\u2019t think sex by itself is a big deal.<\/p>\n
I know some couples have deals where they\u2019re allowed to be with other people if they\u2019re on business trips or a certain distance away from their home, and I honestly could see how that type of arrangement works.<\/p>\n
But since most people do think it’s is a pretty big deal, I tend to keep this thought on the DL from significant others … and then end up cheating like I did in the scenarios described previously.<\/p>\n
The first time I cheated, I had an affair with a guy I met on a business trip \u2026 who was married.<\/p>\n
We were drinking at the hotel bar, we started flirting, and I gave him a hard time when I saw his wedding ring.<\/p>\n
Then I told him I had a boyfriend. Because we were both cheating, it almost felt acceptable.<\/p>\n
We were never going to see each other again, we used protection, and we were both lonely and hundreds of miles from home.<\/p>\n
I know I said I might cheat again \u2014 and that\u2019s true, but I also firmly believe my cheating was a defense mechanism I used because no one I was with was really the right person for me.<\/p>\n
Before, I wanted the security of being part of a couple while still having single girl fun, but as I\u2019ve gotten older, I\u2019ve realized I do want to be in a serious relationship.<\/p>\n
As my friends have gotten married, I\u2019ve started to rethink my stance on relationships, and I want to work harder on my commitment issues.<\/p>\n
That said, I would tell a future boyfriend about my past. I know it\u2019s a tall order to ask for trust after revealing everything, but putting it out there can be a major sign that a man or woman wants this time to be different.<\/p>\n
So, if you find out the person you\u2019re seeing is like me, give them a chance \u2026 or, you know, a free pass.<\/p>\n