{"id":38331,"date":"2024-02-07T18:45:49","date_gmt":"2024-02-07T15:45:49","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ugmirror.com\/?p=38331"},"modified":"2024-02-07T18:45:50","modified_gmt":"2024-02-07T15:45:50","slug":"5-tiny-things-that-kill-intimacy-in-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ugmirror.com\/index.php\/2024\/02\/07\/5-tiny-things-that-kill-intimacy-in-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"5 Tiny Things That Kill Intimacy In Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>In a new relationship, things often start hot and heavy.\u00a0But they eventually end up in the all too familiar pattern so many committed couples find themselves.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Intimacy has become less frequent, less interesting, too routine, uninspiring, or even a chore.\u00a0Does any of this sound familiar?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>While it\u2019s not reasonable to expect that you\u2019ll maintain the same level of curiosity and excitement present at the start of a new relationship, you are also not doomed to the clich\u00e9 lacklustre love\u00a0life that is too frequently characteristic of the long-term commitment to experience. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So what gets in the way of your ideal \u2014 passionate, stimulating, and fun\u00a0\u2014\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.yourtango.com\/love\/ways-have-truly-deep-intimate-relationship\">intimate relationship with your partner<\/a>?\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Here are 5 tiny things that kill intimacy in marriage:<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">1. You don&#8217;t have enough time<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>I\u2019m a city girl.\u00a0For me, that means my 9-5 is rarely 9-5, and that\u2019s not even considering my commute. I\u2019m fortunate to have a predictable Monday through Friday schedule, but my partner\u2019s work schedule doesn\u2019t align with mine. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Neither does his circadian rhythm.\u00a0I\u2019m a lark.\u00a0I get up early because\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.yourtango.com\/self\/morning-routine-habits-successful-people\">I\u2019m most productive in the morning<\/a>\u00a0and that\u2019s the only time I have for me.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>He\u2019s an owl.\u00a0Try as he might, he can\u2019t get to bed before midnight, and that would be early for him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>We haven\u2019t even talked about personal pursuits (I\u2019m an entrepreneur and he\u2019s an artist), family responsibilities, social engagements&#8230;and sleep! <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This city girl thinks there\u2019s too much to manage daily.\u00a0I imagine the content of rural life to be different, but I wonder if the time challenges aren\u2019t similar.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Even if it\u2019s strictly work and family that fills the time (doubtful), as human beings, we seem to reliably find a way to keep our plates full.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You can\u2019t expect to maintain the level of curiosity and excitement present in a new relationship.\u00a0You\u2019re also not doomed to the clich\u00e9 lacklustre love\u00a0life that can be characteristic of long-term relationships. Still, in a long-term committed relationship, we\u2019ve gotta make time for physical intimacy.\u00a0If one or both of you are busy, or your schedules don\u2019t sync up easily, here are some things you can try:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>The intimate connection doesn\u2019t start when you get in the bed. Jamie Long, Psy.D. in&nbsp;<em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/intl\/blog\/finding-cloud9\/201306\/12-thirty-second-ways-connect-your-spouse\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Psychology Today<\/a><\/em>&nbsp;suggests 12 30-second ways to connect when you have busy lives.&nbsp; Practicing any of these quickie methods throughout the day could lead to extended connection when you settle in for the night.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Having strategies for intimacy&nbsp;may make it seem less romantic. But you know what\u2019s not romantic?&nbsp;Not being intimate!&nbsp;Ben Kassoy, in an article reprinted by the&nbsp;<em><a href=\"https:\/\/nypost.com\/2014\/08\/27\/6-ways-busy-people-make-time-for-sex\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">New York Post<\/a><\/em>, suggests some practical strategies for just making it happen: compartmentalizing, compromise, communication, and hard work.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.yourtango.com\/users\/dr-samantha-rodman-whiten\">Samantha Rodman, Ph.D.<\/a>, in the&nbsp;<em>Huffington Pos<\/em>t, shares some&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.huffpost.com\/entry\/ways-to-make-time-for-sex_b_6473688\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">fun and practical<\/a>&nbsp;ways to think outside the box so you can get into the bed\u2026together, including turning off the TV for starters.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">2. You don&#8217;t have enough energy<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Intimacy requires energy.\u00a0That\u2019s just physics.\u00a0According to a\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.womansday.com\/relationships\/sex-tips\/advice\/a1922\/8-sexy-ways-to-burn-calories-110923\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>Woman\u2019s Day<\/em><\/a>\u00a0article, being intimate\u00a0burns 144 calories per half hour.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>That\u2019s more calories than a person of average weight burns running a mile.\u00a0How would you feel thinking about running a mile at the end of your day?\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Here\u2019s what that looks like for me:\u00a0up at 4 am to work on my business (mental energy) and maybe fit in some exercise; get ready for my hour-long commute to work; work a nine-hour day solving problems and dealing with people (mental energy); race out of the office to begin my hour-long commute home; then figure out what to eat before I pass out at the end of the day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I don\u2019t have children.\u00a0I don\u2019t prepare dinner for a family.\u00a0My extra-curricular commitments, like volunteering or community responsibilities, are currently quite low.\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And I am wiped out at the end of every day.\u00a0How about you? However, if connecting physically with your partner on a somewhat consistent basis remains a priority, you can try a few things:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Carl Honore in his TED Talk,<a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Praise-Slowness-Challenging-Cult-Speed\/dp\/0060750510\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" target=\"_blank\">&nbsp;&#8220;In Praise of Slowness&#8221;<\/a>, suggests we slow down. And I have to admit that when I read the title, it sounded impossible to me.&nbsp;But as I watched, I felt like he made some compelling arguments worth seriously considering, even for an achiever like me.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>This can be a real struggle for me, but I\u2019ve personally seen some success with\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.yourtango.com\/experts\/lisa-petsinis\/healthy-foods-make-you-happy-boost-your-mood\">making healthier dietary choices<\/a>\u00a0and engaging in regular exercise. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Not only do I feel more energetic when I\u2019m on point with my health and fitness, but I also feel more desirable and my drive is noticeably stronger.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>You can also try smiling! In the TED talk &#8220;The Hidden Power of Smiling&#8221;,&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/ed.ted.com\/lessons\/the-hidden-power-of-smiling-ron-gutman\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" target=\"_blank\">Ron Gutman&nbsp;cites research<\/a>&nbsp;that shows smiling is more powerful than chocolate in terms of making us feel good.&nbsp;Considering smiling\u2019s impact on well-being and longevity, it\u2019s worth a try.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Waning interest in intimacy\u00a0can be frustrating for both you and your partner.\u00a0I recently spoke with a single girlfriend who has been dealing with a lack of libido for more than a year.\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As she talked about it, I was surprised that her doctor wasn\u2019t offering any real solutions and implied a lack of desire for intimacy\u00a0is not significantly impactful.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I agree that it\u2019s not life-threatening, but it certainly can be quality-of-life-threatening.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC5900810\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">According to a 2018 study<\/a>, there may be multiple physical and mental health factors that might be associated with a lack of interest in being intimate: poorer health, difficulty walking up stairs, long-standing medical conditions, depression, STDs, and dysfunction. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Interestingly, in this study menopausal status was not shown to be statistically significant nor was circumcision in men.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>While physical and mental health factors might require intervention by a medical professional, there may also be several relational factors with much more accessible solutions.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Relationseveralrelated to a lack of interest in intimacy\u00a0included: having young children, a lack of satisfying intimacy\u00a0due to differing preferences, a lack of intimacy, difficulty talking about intimacy, and the belief that people want less intimacy\u00a0as they age.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you\u2019re dealing with a lack of interest in intimacy, addressing some of these relational factors might improve your circumstances.\u00a0Here are some suggestions:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>The study suggests care for young children affects women more than men potentially due to an imbalance in child-rearing responsibilities.&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.todaysparent.com\/family\/parenting\/co-parenting-how-do-you-divvy-up-parenting-duties\/\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" target=\"_blank\">Cori Howard suggests a 50\/50 split&nbsp;<\/a>may not be achievable for every couple.&nbsp;But, a better balance of parenting duties might lead to better balance in the bedroom.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Coping with different intimate&nbsp;tastes can create&nbsp;friction. Kaylan10 suggests several steps to deal with&nbsp;incompatibility, including seeking a middle ground.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>The study seems to indicate a lack of intimacy&nbsp;(or self-pleasure) led to a decrease in&nbsp;desire for women, while the reverse seems to be true for men. For women, that might mean that it can be particularly important for us to keep the mojo flowing.&nbsp;<em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Sex-One-Selfloving-Betty-Dodson-ebook\/dp\/B0064127LE\/\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" target=\"_blank\">Intimacy&nbsp;for One<\/a><\/em>&nbsp;was written by Betty Dodson who has remained intimately&nbsp;active well into her eighties.&nbsp; We all may have a thing or two to learn from Betty.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Let\u2019s face it, talking about intimacy&nbsp;can be awkward.&nbsp;Call it a cultural issue, a religious issue, a social issue, or a psychological issue.&nbsp;Whatever the issue, sometimes couples need help.&nbsp;One creative way to open the door to communicating about intimacy&nbsp;is to talk about someone else\u2019s intimacy.&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.yourtango.com\/2021340172\/books-read-if-you-loved-binge-watching-bridgerton\">Read a spicy&nbsp;book<\/a>&nbsp;or magazine together as a passageway to talking about your desires, fantasies, or needs.&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Women-Top-Nancy-Friday\/dp\/1476715602\/\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" target=\"_blank\">Nancy Friday\u2019s female fantasy series<\/a>&nbsp;can be a fun place to start.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Talk about what intimacy&nbsp;means to you as you age.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">4. You don&#8217;t have enough knowledge<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>In my early 30&#8217;s, I was frustrated intimately.\u00a0I was married and in love, passionately connected, yet\u00a0unsatisfied.\u00a0And it wasn\u2019t from a lack of effort or interest.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I just didn\u2019t know what my body needed to be satisfied.\u00a0And worse, I didn\u2019t know that I didn\u2019t know.\u00a0I wasn\u2019t even aware there was quality information available. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The natural progression of trial and error in my twenties had failed me.\u00a0Despite what they say, the practice does not make perfect.\u00a0Then one day, the light was turned on.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I walked into the Love Boutique in Santa Monica, CA.\u00a0The sales associate spent 20 minutes with my girlfriends and me explaining one toy.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>That 20 minutes transformed my entire love\u00a0life.\u00a0No longer was intimate\u00a0satisfaction an unattainable mystery. If you\u2019re active and interested, but your intimate engagements aren\u2019t fulfilling their promise, there\u2019s hope:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>When I was training to sell adult toys many years ago, the&nbsp;<em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Guide-Getting-Paul-Joannides-Psy-D\/dp\/1885535171\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Guide to Getting It On<\/a><\/em>&nbsp;was my favorite resource. Comprehensive, entertaining, and inclusive, this can be a great resource to explore together.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Check out the TED playlist,&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.ted.com\/playlists\/279\/5_talks_full_of_weird_facts_ab\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Talks full of weird facts about<\/a>&nbsp;intimacy. It\u2019s guaranteed to be fun, entertaining, and as always informative and thought-provoking.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">5. You don&#8217;t have enough goodwill<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.yourtango.com\/love\/brutal-truths-being-long-term-committed-relationship\">In a long-term committed relationship<\/a>\u00a0\u2014 even the best of them \u2014 things aren\u2019t always roses and sunshine.\u00a0Disagreements happen.\u00a0Life circumstances create stresses and pressures.\u00a0Finances.\u00a0Child-rearing.\u00a0Professional setbacks.\u00a0In-laws.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The list goes on and on. Sometimes, you\u2019re not feeling warm and fuzzy toward your one and only.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Physical distance only exacerbates the challenges you\u2019re facing.\u00a0When those patterns repeat, the strain on your relationship compounds. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The weight of those pressures can have consequences for intimate relations.\u00a0Sometimes you\u2019re just not feeling warm and fuzzy toward your one and only.\u00a0It\u2019s important to have effective strategies to navigate difficult times.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Learning how to compromise effectively can make a huge difference.&nbsp;The key is to figure out where your wants and needs overlap and complement each other&nbsp;so that you can create agreements where you both feel like you&#8217;re getting the better end of the deal.&nbsp;The article includes a free negotiation preparation worksheet.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Laying some ground rules for conflict can not only build trust and safety but also create an environment in your relationship that allows for conflict and connection at the same time.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Some of the conflicts in your relationship might stem from a lack of understanding of how men operate and how women operate.&nbsp;There&#8217;s a plethora of information available to provide more clarity about what&#8217;s important to men and women, and how to work together to create peace in your relationship.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>In a new relationship, things often start hot and heavy.\u00a0But they eventually end up in the all too familiar pattern so many committed couples find themselves.\u00a0 Intimacy has become less frequent, less interesting, too routine, uninspiring, or even a chore.\u00a0Does any of this sound familiar? While it\u2019s not reasonable to expect that you\u2019ll maintain the [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":27983,"featured_media":8929,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jnews-multi-image_gallery":[],"jnews_single_post":[],"jnews_primary_category":[],"jnews_paywall_metabox":[],"jnews_override_counter":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[1197,119],"class_list":["post-38331","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-love-relationships","tag-love-and-relationship","tag-uganda-news"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.3 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>5 Tiny Things That Kill Intimacy In Marriage - Uganda Mirror<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/ugmirror.com\/index.php\/2024\/02\/07\/5-tiny-things-that-kill-intimacy-in-marriage\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"5 Tiny Things That Kill Intimacy In Marriage - Uganda Mirror\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"In a new relationship, things often start hot and heavy.\u00a0But they eventually end up in the all too familiar pattern so many committed couples find themselves.\u00a0 Intimacy has become less frequent, less interesting, too routine, uninspiring, or even a chore.\u00a0Does any of this sound familiar? 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