We think about sex. We\u00a0fantasize\u00a0about sex. We spend an inordinate amount of time and money in the pursuit of sex. We have sex. When\u00a0you consider\u00a0AIDS, childbirth, or “honor” killings, our survival and death are often intertwined with sex.\u00a0Thus, it is worthwhile to spend some time on what scientists have learned about\u00a0sexuality.<\/p>\n
In 1990, the editor of the\u00a0Journal of Sex Research<\/em>\u00a0wrote,\u00a0“[F]uture generations will find it incomprehensible \u2014 and perhaps unconscionably negligent \u2014 that so little effort was marshaled to obtain data on and establish\u00a0a science of human sexual behavior.”<\/p>\n But scientists, like many in society, are prudish. This is why nearly every psychological model of well-being ignores even a mention of human sexuality, and why nearly every recent book on\u00a0happiness\u00a0and well-being ignores sexuality.<\/p>\n Human beings are infinitely complex. Just as there is no universal reason for eating hot dogs (whether trying to win a contest or scarfing them in front of the television out of habit), there is no single reason across time, culture, and history that people engage in sex. But I want to share some insights from well-replicated findings on why people have sex.<\/p>\n Why is this important?\u00a0Prior to 2007, a glimpse of the scientific literature led to a mere\u00a0two\u00a0reasons why people had sex\u2014procreation (think\u00a0Mormonism) and pleasure (think\u00a0Hedo Rick). Then, in 2007,\u00a0Cindy Meston and David Buss\u00a0plugged the gap.<\/p>\n In the first of many studies, they asked hundreds of people aged\u00a017 to 52 to assist them in creating a comprehensive list of the reasons why people have sex. Everyone was given one question:\u00a0“Please list all the reasons you can think of why you, or someone you have known, has engaged in sexual intercourse in the past.”<\/em><\/p>\n Since that first investigation, several replications\u00a0have led to a final tally of 4 major factors and 13 subfactors for why we do it:<\/p>\n Under this broad umbrella, we find:<\/p>\n Under this broad umbrella, we find:<\/p>\n Under this broad umbrella, we find:<\/p>\n Under this broad umbrella, we find:<\/p>\n You might be curious about\u00a0gender\u00a0differences in the reasons behind sexual activity.\u00a0Let me quote directly from the authors about their interesting discoveries, because the differences were\u00a0substantial:<\/strong><\/p>\n Men, significantly more than women, endorsed reasons centering on the physical appearance and physical desirability of a partner, such as “The person had a desirable body,” “The person\u2019s physical appearance turned me on,” and “The person had an attractive face.”<\/p>\n These findings support the evolution-based hypothesis\u00a0that men tend to be more sexually aroused by visual sexual cues than are women, since physical appearance provides a wealth of cues to a woman\u2019s fertility and reproductive capacity.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n Men, significantly more than women, also endorsed reasons indicating experience seeking and mere opportunity. Examples include “The person was ‘available,'” “The opportunity presented itself,”\u00a0and “I wanted to increase the number of partners I had experienced.”<\/p>\n Women exceeded men in endorsing\u00a0certain of the emotional motivations for sex, such as “I wanted to express my love for the person”\u00a0and “I realized that I was in love.”\u00a0These findings\u00a0support the evolution-based theory\u00a0that women, more than men, prefer sex within the context of an ongoing committed relationship, and feelings or expressions of love provide signals of that commitment.<\/p>\n Also supporting this theory were findings that suggest sex without emotional involvement was a more powerful motivator for men than for women. Men exceeded women, for example, in endorsing items related to pure physical pleasure, such as wanting to achieve an\u00a0orgasm, because it felt good, or simply because they were “horny.”<\/p>\n It is important to note, however, that most of the emotional motivations for engaging in sex were not endorsed more frequently by women (e.g., “I wanted to feel connected to the person”; “I wanted to intensify my relationship,”\u00a0“I desired emotional closeness”). In fact, the Love and Commitment and Expression subfactors were the only two of 13 subfactors that were not endorsed with significantly more frequency among men than women. This finding supports a growing body of clinical evidence suggesting that both men and women at times desire intimacy and emotional connectedness from sexual activity.<\/p>\n …[M]en more than women endorsed reasons for having sex that involved a variety of utilitarian functions, such as “to change the topic of conversation,” “to get a favor from someone,”\u00a0or “to improve my sexual skills.” These findings contradict the\u00a0stereotype\u00a0that women, more than men, use sex to obtain special favors or treatment.<\/p>\n Another cluster of gender differences not specifically predicted involved enhancement of social status\/boosting reputation, establishing bragging rights, and desiring to tell friends\u00a0that they had sex with someone famous. Nonetheless, these findings were consistent with the empirical data that suggest that men who are actually or effectively polygynous are granted higher social status.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n These findings point to an important fact: When comparing\u00a0men and women, the largest differences\u00a0are found in sexual motives and behaviors. It is worth remembering that most differences between men and women are non-existent or small\u00a0except\u00a0when the subject turns to sexuality.<\/p>\n So what can you do with this knowledge?<\/p>\n My suggestion is that you engage in a bit of self-exploration to know thyself. Spend a month journaling about the motives behind your sexual proclivities, and carefully observe and talk to your partners about their own. You might learn something obvious about yourself that you never noticed, and you might initiate some important conversations with your romantic partners about how you converge and diverge.<\/p>\n Sex is the most underappreciated element of well-being\u00a0in the psychology (except among evolutionary psychologists). Perhaps it is time for scientists and practitioners interested in well-being to spend less time reading articles and more time talking to feral humans to discover what makes them tick.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" We think about sex. We\u00a0fantasize\u00a0about sex. We spend an inordinate amount of time and money in the pursuit of sex. We have sex. When\u00a0you consider\u00a0AIDS, childbirth, or “honor” killings, our survival and death are often intertwined with sex.\u00a0Thus, it is worthwhile to spend some time on what scientists have learned about\u00a0sexuality. In 1990, the editor […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":27983,"featured_media":2410,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jnews-multi-image_gallery":[],"jnews_single_post":[],"jnews_primary_category":[],"jnews_paywall_metabox":[],"jnews_override_counter":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[52,214],"class_list":["post-2409","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-love-relationships","tag-living","tag-sex"],"yoast_head":"\n1. Physical reasons<\/h2>\n
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2. Goal attainment<\/h2>\n
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3. Emotional reasons<\/h2>\n
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4. Insecurity<\/h2>\n
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