{"id":17328,"date":"2020-08-16T12:57:00","date_gmt":"2020-08-16T09:57:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ugmirror.com\/?p=17328"},"modified":"2020-08-16T12:57:08","modified_gmt":"2020-08-16T09:57:08","slug":"the-3-most-important-keys-to-a-happy-successful-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ugmirror.com\/index.php\/2020\/08\/16\/the-3-most-important-keys-to-a-happy-successful-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"The 3 Most Important Keys To A Happy, Successful Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

That “low expectations” thing is a total myth.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

If I had a dollar for every time I had someone talk about how low expectations are the key to a happy marriage, I\u2019d be a very wealthy man.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And it\u2019s heartbreaking\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because the idea that\u00a0the key to happiness is low expectations\u00a0is a complete myth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In fact, the three most important keys to a successful marriage \u2014 where you are actually happy <\/em>\u2014 involve the opposite of low expectations!<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

As an example of how that “low expectations” myth works in real life, here is a letter from a\u00a0reader who reached out to me a few weeks ago<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My husband hasn\u2019t talked to me in 3 days. We had an argument, and he just shut me out. Is that normal? I want to talk about it\u2026 but maybe he still needs time to process. Maybe I just need to lower my expectations.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Don\u2019t get me wrong, I\u2019m not saying you should go out there and develop ridiculously high expectations all around for your relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You aren\u2019t always going to agree on everything. Your partner isn\u2019t going to constantly be in a good mood.\u00a0Sometimes you won\u2019t get to go on vacation when you want, eat at the restaurant you want, or work the job you want.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Your partner won\u2019t always be in the mood to do\/watch\/talk about the exact same thing you want to do\/watch\/talk about\u2026 That\u2019s just silly. Those types of expectations are just resentment waiting to happen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What I\u2019m talking about right now is a study done by Donald Baucom<\/a>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dr. Baucom found that in marriage, people typically get what they expect. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019ve got low expectations about how your partner will treat you in your relationship, you will tend to be in relationships where you are treated poorly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019ve got high expectations about how you\u2019ll be treated by your partner, you tend to be in\u00a0a relationship where you are treated well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

These expectations matter!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, here are 3 things you should always have high expectations for, as they are the most important keys to a happy relationship (that will actually last).<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

1. Being treated with respect even during conflict.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

When conflict arises, it\u2019s common for the worst parts of us to emerge. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

You fight-or-flight kicks in. Your adrenaline starts pumping. Your heart rate increases and your blood boils.\u00a0Conflict is very stressful for your body.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s easy to succumb to the temptation to act like a caged animal and go on the attack. You might want to raise your voice, call names, throw things, or hit your partner where it hurts (literally or figuratively).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In order for your marriage to thrive, you must<\/em> have rules of engagement for times of conflict that do NOT get broken.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s vital to your relationship that you have the expectation that, regardless of how well you get along, you will never be intimidated, demoralized, physically harmed, belittled is a reasonable expectation. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. Being treated with day-to-day kindness.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I remember\u00a0interviewing David and Gretchen\u00a0for my podcast. Someone had told me they are one of the most incredible couples I know.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I arrived at their house I noticed they were excessively kind to one another. They always used their pleases and thank-yous. They called each other by pet names.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Their kindness almost felt sickly-sweet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At one point I decided to call them out. \u201cAre you guys always like this? Or is it just because I\u2019m here interviewing you about your marriage, and you\u2019re putting on a bit of a show for me?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They looked at me with sympathy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNate, early on in our marriage, we noticed some couples treated the bank teller, or the server at the restaurant with more kindness and respect than they\u2019d treat their own spouse. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

We promised each other early in our relationship that we would always show each other that the other person is the important person to each other through our words and actions,” they told me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSo we always use our pleases and thank-yous. We always speak with kindness and respect.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you are married to the person you love, you should always have the expectation that you\u2019ll be treated with kindness. That your opinion matters. That your experiences are valid. That your pains and hurts are worth acknowledging.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When someone starts dismissing you, ignoring you, or belittling you, it\u2019s up to you to let them know (respectfully) that it\u2019s not ok and that you expect better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. Problem-solving as a team.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

One of the top indicators that you have mutual respect for each other in your relationship is that you \u201cmake decisions for two.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That means when problems arise, or big decisions need to be made, you take time to think about your partner\u2019s perspective, and how your choices will affect them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you make decisions about how you\u2019re spending money, how you\u2019re spending your time, or the future of your family, and only think of how it will impact your own life, your marriage will become overrun with resentment, bitterness, and loneliness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Make a commitment to talk to each other before making big decisions, or trying to solve big problems.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Having high expectations is not always a detrimental thing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Just like Paul Rudd\u2019s character says in\u00a0The Perks of Being A Wallflower<\/em>, \u201cYou accept the love you think you deserve.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Keep your expectations of\u00a0being treated with kindness\u00a0and respect high, and you\u2019ll maximize your chances of an extraordinary relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nate Bagley is a writer and entrepreneur obsessed with ridding the world of mediocre love. His work has been featured in GQ, Business Insider, Thrive Global, and more. You can follow his podcast by visiting the Growth Marriage website<\/a>. <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This article was originally published at growth marriage<\/a>. Reprinted with permission from the author.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

That “low expectations” thing is a total myth. If I had a dollar for every time I had someone talk about how low expectations are the key to a happy marriage, I\u2019d be a very wealthy man. And it\u2019s heartbreaking\u2026 Because the idea that\u00a0the key to happiness is low expectations\u00a0is a complete myth. In fact, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":27983,"featured_media":2205,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jnews-multi-image_gallery":[],"jnews_single_post":[],"jnews_primary_category":[],"jnews_paywall_metabox":[],"jnews_override_counter":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[1197,1252],"class_list":["post-17328","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-love-relationships","tag-love-and-relationship","tag-marriage"],"yoast_head":"\nThe 3 Most Important Keys To A Happy, Successful Marriage - Uganda Mirror<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/ugmirror.com\/index.php\/2020\/08\/16\/the-3-most-important-keys-to-a-happy-successful-marriage\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The 3 Most Important Keys To A Happy, Successful Marriage - Uganda Mirror\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"That “low expectations” thing is a total myth. 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If I had a dollar for every time I had someone talk about how low expectations are the key to a happy marriage, I\u2019d be a very wealthy man. And it\u2019s heartbreaking\u2026 Because the idea that\u00a0the key to happiness is low expectations\u00a0is a complete myth. 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