{"id":11269,"date":"2019-09-14T13:59:00","date_gmt":"2019-09-14T10:59:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ugmirror.com\/?p=11269"},"modified":"2019-09-14T13:59:04","modified_gmt":"2019-09-14T10:59:04","slug":"how-to-stop-pretending-to-be-the-cool-girl-become-girlfriend-material","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ugmirror.com\/index.php\/2019\/09\/14\/how-to-stop-pretending-to-be-the-cool-girl-become-girlfriend-material\/","title":{"rendered":"How To Stop Pretending To Be ‘The Cool Girl’ & Become Girlfriend Material"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Because being the cool girl never gets anyone anywhere.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

For the majority of my teen years and young years, guys perceived me to be \u201cthe cool girl.\u201d In fact, I\u2019d say most still do, and that\u2019s fine because I\u2019m not dating anymore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Being the \u201ccool girl\u201d has its perks. You have good moments with guy friends. You can have in an instant. You get a better look into the male mind, for better or worse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The problem? Guys don\u2019t date \u201ccool .\u201d Like, ever.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Trust me, I\u2019ve tried to make male friends date me, and while they were happy to sleep with me, they were not willing to commit to a relationship. Being the \u201ccool girl\u201d when you want a husband sucks. Badly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What\u2019s weird is that a lot of guys don\u2019t really know why they can\u2019t get into the idea of dating the \u201ccool chick\u201d of the group. Or, more frequently, they don\u2019t respect the cool girl, even though they absolutely should.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s some good news to this, though. You can, at any point in time, stop being the \u201ccool girl\u201d once you learn how to be girlfriend material. Here are some of the easiest ways to quash the behavior that\u2019s keeping you from being a girlfriend rather than a female friend.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. First off, stop talking or sleeping with guys who ‘bone zone’ you.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Unlike the \u201cFriend Zone,\u201d which isn\u2019t real, the Bone Zone is very real. Bone Zoning is what I call guys who specifically keep you around because they want to have with you \u2014 and only <\/em>have with you. Guys who do this are NOT your friends.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know it hurts to realize that, but if he only wants to talk to you if you\u2019re willing to flirt with him and sleep with him, it\u2019s true. Straight up, just ghost them. By refusing to associate with Bone Zoners, you\u2019re sending a message that you demand respect.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. Stand up for yourself if they start saying rude things.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

I remember that there were so many times when guys would say some really gross things to me, or even flat-out insult me to my face. I\u2019d say nothing, because I wanted to be \u201cthe nice girl\u201d and \u201cthe cool girl\u201d who could roll with the punches. Funny enough, guys ended up respecting me more when I\u2019d tell them to shut up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. Make an active effort to find female friends.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

This is often what defines the \u201ccool girl.\u201d Being a \u201ccool girl\u201d often means that all your friends are male, and in many cases, this is because we just connect better with guys. I swear, it is possible to find cool female friends out there. It\u2019s not easy, but it\u2019s doable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once you have female friends, you\u2019ll find yourself a lot less likely to bend over backwards for guys. Don\u2019t ask why, just know it happens.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

4. Take up hobbies.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Hobbies are wonderful things that can help you learn more about yourself and the world around you. Now, you\u2019re probably wondering what this has to do with ceasing your role as \u201cthe cool girl.\u201d It\u2019s actually rather simple.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hobbies allow you to gain new interests, improve your personality, and also open up your social circles. Since you probably had to cut off a bunch of guys, this is what will most likely keep you from crawling back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

5. When you have a guy you like, tell them your needs and refuse to settle for anything less.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Yes, this will be hard at first. But trust me, it works. Guys may not be happy to find out that you want respect from them, or that you won\u2019t sleep with them without being in a relationship, but this isn\u2019t about what they <\/em>want anymore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s about what you want, and it\u2019s about damned time you start seeing things that way, too, don\u2019t you think?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

6. If you hear a guy saying something misogynistic, call him out on it.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Just because it\u2019s not necessarily directed at you doesn\u2019t mean that it\u2019s okay for you to sit there and smile. When you allow guys to say this kind of stuff near you, you\u2019re basically allowing unhealthy men around you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you let unhealthy men around you, you\u2019ll end up cultivating unhealthy relationships. So, don\u2019t do that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

7. Get used to being called \u201ccrazy,\u201d \u201cselfish,\u201d \u201cslutty,\u201d and \u201cb-tchy.\u201d<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

I hate to say it, but it\u2019s true. A lot of men out there typically will berate, discredit, and insult women who don\u2019t kowtow to their demands. What you have to understand is that their behavior is not a reflection of you or your worth; it\u2019s a reflection of them and how they see themselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Men who do this are not men who should be dating, so just block them and carry on. You are not crazy for wanting people to treat you well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

8. Understand that you\u2019re not wrong or stupid for having emotional needs that need to be met.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The \u201ccool girl\u201d is not a human being. She\u2019s an archetype that men make up who tries to live up to standards that aren\u2019t meant for people. She has no needs of her own, and living like that is not humanly possible.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Anyone who dismisses you as \u201cthe cool girl\u201d is dehumanizing you, and it\u2019s okay to stand up for yourself. It\u2019s also okay to be hurt, angry, or cry. Doing these things does not make you \u201ccrazy.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

9. Stop doing things you don\u2019t like so that guys will like you.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

It took me a while to come to terms with this, because being born female means you\u2019re automatically socialized to be a people pleaser. Doing this will change the way you live life, and will also force men to respect you all the more.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The moment I dropped my high heels and skirts, and came out as agender was the moment I felt a million times better about myself. Sure, I still love to cook. But I\u2019m so over pretending to like anime \u201cjust because.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

10. Have a \u201cF-ck Off Fund\u201d before you get into any relationship.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m a huge proponent of the F*ck Off Fund, which is a nice amount of savings that is specifically kept in order to ensure that you have enough money to comfortably support yourself in the event of a breakup. You can make a F*ck Off Fund effortlessly by just using an app like Qapital that automatically saves money to an account for you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you have enough money to support yourself, you end up feeling more confident and are way less likely to put up with bull.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

11. Also, have a list of deal breakers \u2014 and actually stick to them.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Deal breakers are crucial in breaking out of the \u201ccool girl\u201d role and learning how to be girlfriend material. These are actions or attitudes that you refuse to put up with, regardless of how long you\u2019ve been together with a guy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Things like cheating, misogyny, pushing boundaries when it comes to , being overly demanding, or refusing to commit to you should be on that list. If you notice him acting on deal breaker-level behavior, walk. It\u2019s within your right.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

12. Switch up your entourage if necessary.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

There are a lot of friend groups that tend to drag you down and have a tendency to encourage downplaying your feelings. If you\u2019re in one of those scenes, you may want to just seek out something new to do. Otherwise, you\u2019ll be way more likely to backslide.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

13. Understand that it\u2019s okay to seek out help.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ll be the first to admit that being the \u201ccool girl\u201d really messed me up emotionally. It took me a long time to refuse to tolerate it, and I\u2019m still dealing with the emotional and mental scars it\u2019s put on me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s okay to get therapy or get help, if the way men treated you as \u201cthe cool girl\u201d hurt you. It\u2019s also alright just to ask for help to stand up for yourself. After all, no one said you ever have to stop being cool alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ossiana Tepfenhart is a Jack-of-all-trades writer based out of Red Bank, New Jersey. When she’s not writing, she’s drinking red wine and chilling with some cool cats. You can follow her @bluntandwitty on Twitter.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Because being the cool girl never gets anyone anywhere. For the majority of my teen years and young years, guys perceived me to be \u201cthe cool girl.\u201d In fact, I\u2019d say most still do, and that\u2019s fine because I\u2019m not dating anymore. Being the \u201ccool girl\u201d has its perks. You have good moments with guy […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":27983,"featured_media":11270,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jnews-multi-image_gallery":[],"jnews_single_post":[],"jnews_primary_category":[],"jnews_paywall_metabox":[],"jnews_override_counter":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-11269","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-love-relationships"],"yoast_head":"\nHow To Stop Pretending To Be 'The Cool Girl' & Become Girlfriend Material - Uganda Mirror<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/ugmirror.com\/index.php\/2019\/09\/14\/how-to-stop-pretending-to-be-the-cool-girl-become-girlfriend-material\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How To Stop Pretending To Be 'The Cool Girl' & Become Girlfriend Material - Uganda Mirror\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Because being the cool girl never gets anyone anywhere. For the majority of my teen years and young years, guys perceived me to be \u201cthe cool girl.\u201d In fact, I\u2019d say most still do, and that\u2019s fine because I\u2019m not dating anymore. Being the \u201ccool girl\u201d has its perks. 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For the majority of my teen years and young years, guys perceived me to be \u201cthe cool girl.\u201d In fact, I\u2019d say most still do, and that\u2019s fine because I\u2019m not dating anymore. Being the \u201ccool girl\u201d has its perks. 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