Insecurity is not a good look for anyone.
A relationship should be balanced but if you’re dating an insecure man with low self-esteem, it can prove to be difficult.
You and your guy should make each other feel loved, supported, respected, and secure. A healthy relationship should be give and take.
So when your guy is or becomes insecure, he starts demanding more love, support, respect, and security from you, and also becomes too clingy — your relationship is on red alert.
Since he lacks self-esteem, you need to assure him again and again that you love him. His self-worth and self-confidence are so low that you start feeling its effects and they’re not good. In a relationship, this is not a good sign.
Insecurity is destructive in ways that he becomes excessively jealous and controlling. He becomes controlling of everything that you do because he fears that you will abandon him in your relationship.
Therefore, he doesn’t trust you or often doubts you.
Here are 5 signs your man is insecure and has low self-esteem in your relationship and how you can deal with it.
1. He always asks for validation
His insecurities often lead him to ask you questions like, “Do you really love me?”, “Why do you want to be with me?”, or “Am I attractive?”
He constantly asks for reassurance that you are happy with him and you are not going to leave him. We all want to hear compliments but because of his insecurities, he always wants to hear those flattering remarks from you.
2. He wants to be with you 24/7
You find this sweet because it makes you feel that your guy really loves you and that he can’t live without you until he becomes obsessive for your attention.
He gets upset when you can’t be with him because of work or some errands and he makes you feel guilty that you have to be away from him.
3. He constantly checks your phone and social media
His eyes are always on your phone even when you are just reading text messages from your mom. When he hears your phone message notification, he asks right away who sent you a message. He might also demand to check your phone and probe your inbox.
Your guy also stalks you on your social media accounts and asks about your male friends who reacted or commented on your posts. He may also ask for the password of your social media accounts to give him assurance that you are not being unfaithful.
4. He gets jealous when you are with your friends
He doesn’t like you going out with your friends. When you are with your friends, he keeps on texting and calling you, or even demands that you come home right away.
You might feel special that he treats you this way at first, but if he is always like this to you, you will feel that his possessiveness is choking because you cannot do anything with your friends.
5. His happiness depends on you
If your guy is insecure, his mood depends on you. He is happy when you show you love him and when you are sweet to him.
On the contrary, he is sad or depressed when you are not giving him attention or if you have not told him you love him.
If your guy has these behaviors, he is probably dealing with his insecurity issues. Being with an insecure partner can be difficult but it does not mean that your relationship will fall apart.
It is up to both of you to ensure you are giving and getting what you want in your relationship without demanding anything.
Changing the personality of your guy so he has more confidence takes time. Although you are not a professional counselor, you could still help him deal with insecurities by being honest, making him open up to you, and taking control.
The first thing that you need to do is to let him know that his insecurities are causing problems in your relationship and that he needs to man up and deal with it.
Don’t let him manipulate and dictate what you want to do with your life and change who you really are, just to please him. Tolerating him with this behavior to protect his insecurities will just make the situation worse and you will just suffer in the end.
You also need to be supportive of him dealing with his issues. He may have experienced being rejected in the past, which could have been the reason why he does not open up about his fears and true needs. Help him overcome his fears and insecurities by always having an open conversation so he can feel more confident with himself.
Bear in mind that the reason for his insecurities is not because of you and it is not your responsibility to always boost his self-esteem. Do whatever you can do and if it does not work, do not blame yourself. He might pin the blame on you and reverse the situation so that you adjust your behavior according to what he wants.
Healthy relationships are balanced. If your guy works on eliminating his fears and recognized his insecurities, chances are you will have a happy relationship with him.
Esther Bilbao helps mentor women to have better relationships, health, and personal development. For more information on how she can help you create a better life for yourself, visit her website for a 30-day all-access pass for lessons from expert instructors.