There is plenty of evidence that we all go through more or less the same process when dealing with change, although particular stages may take rather longer in some cases than others.
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross looked at the way people come to terms with the news that they have a terminal illness, and developed a model called the Transition or Change Curve. Later studies showed that people react in similar ways to bereavement and also to changes at work.
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’ change curve is much or less similar than the seven stages of grief. The Change curve involves; Denial, Anger, Exploring, and acceptance – well as the Seven stages of grief involve; Shock, Denial, Anger, Bargaining (Exploring), Depression, Testing, and Acceptance.
Managing Personal Change
Let’s use the Serenity prayer as our basis: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
This literally means that there are two stages of managing personal change;
- Accepting the things you can’t change, and the courage to change those you can.
- The Wisdom to know the difference
Accepting the Things That You Can’t Change
One of the things which those who embrace change generally say that they do is to accept what can’t be changed, and worry only about what they can change themselves.
It’s not easy to let go of worrying – But there is no reason of holding onto what you have no power over.
The Wisdom to know the difference
This is the final element in managing change gracefully.
- Like a good thinker, those who accept and manage personal change well are those who are clear about what they want. They are quick to decide what they cannot change, and to put it to one side. They are also effective in taking the necessary steps towards change and taking control of those elements that they can change.
And finally…
The most important element to remember is that:
- Once you have made your final decision about what you can and can’t change, and what you are going to do about it, stick to it.
Accept your decision and move on. Don’t constantly worry about ‘what if’, as that will undermine all your good work in parking the things that you can’t control.
It doesn’t even matter if the reason that you can’t realistically do anything is ‘I have too much else on in my life to have time to deal with this’. It’s fine. Give yourself a break, and accept your own wisdom.