You’ve been hurt by relationships in the past, and this makes it hard to trust yourself. But you really like this guy. You can feel it in your gut.
Is he the one? Or, just another guy that will hurt you?
When you’ve been hurt in the past, you tend to ask yourself, “Does he love me?” when you’re dating someone new.
And while this uncertainty can feel unnerving, it’s actually a good thing to question the relationship to learn how to know if he’s the one. This means you’re taking the relationship seriously.
Just try not to overthink it. That never ends well.
The first thing you need to do when you are dating someone is to ask yourself, “What am I looking for in a relationship?” — meaning, do you want a long-term relationship with a committed partner?
This is one of the biggest decisions you will make in your life. Do you want to stay with this guy? Is he the one you want to commit to? Are you ready to get married to him?
If you are in it for the long term, then you want to know if he feels the same.
So, does he love you? Here are 11 signs he’s your soulmate and “the one” you’re meant to be with:
1. He’s seen you at your worst and hasn’t left.
He stuck with you when you got fired from your job, and your roommate suddenly moved out. You really had a break down at that time. But, that didn’t scare him away. He was there for you. He listened to you.
You could cry in front of him and not worry about being judged. Now, you’ve found a good job and have a great roommate. What a good feeling.
2. He doesn’t feel intimidated by your career.
He knows that your career is important to you, and he supports it. He knows the direction you’d like to go in your career.
He takes a genuine interest in your career, by asking you questions about it. If something important is coming up, then he knows about it.
3. You have the same spiritual beliefs.
Now, I know this is a tricky one these days. We have all seen the Bible be used to manipulate and control. This is not what it is meant for.
Let’s take a look at what some of the core teachings are of the Bible — forgiveness, humility, honesty, openness, respect, and sacrificial giving. These are beliefs you need in a relationship when you are in it for the long haul. It’s true, couples that pray together stay together.
4. He plans the perfect date for your based on your likes and dislikes.
This means he is paying attention and listening to you. He takes you seriously. Even if it’s something he’s not that crazy about, he will still do it because he knows that you like it. He did all the planning. It could even be a surprise.
5. He smiles when you are around.
You know by his body language and his tone, without a doubt, that he is into you. This is an important one. You want your partner to be excited when he see’s you at the end of the day. You want to be his favorite part of the day.
Without him saying a word, you know what an amazing feeling it is when you know your partner loves you. This will definitely help get you through the difficult times like when the plumbing suddenly breaks down and you are left with a huge bill.
6. He brags about you to his family and friends.
When he knows you are the one, he is excited to introduce you to family and friends. He can’t stop talking about you. He has good things to say about you.
And, you know this and you love it. He’s not just bragging about you, he is letting them know how important you are to him.
7. He hasn’t shown any signs that he is a jealous person.
He is confident and doesn’t judge you based on his past relationships. He doesn’t question you when you tell him you were out with some friends or had to work late.
There is genuine trust in the relationship.
8. He doesn’t try to change you.
There is nothing worse than feeling like your partner is trying to change you. He knows you love cats, and that is alright. He knows this because you grew up with cats, and it has meaning to you.
So, he will make sure there is always a cat in your life. He knows you inside and out, and he accepts you inside and out. This is a great feeling. This lets you know he has your back. This is really what you want in a relationship.
9. His actions speak louder than his words.
It’s true, words need to be backed by action. If they aren’t, then it’s not sincere. When he apologizes, he doesn’t do the same thing again. You know he loves you because he says it.
But, you also know it because he shows it. He remembers your anniversary. Not just when you officially started dating, but when you first met at your friend’s party. He’s willing to accept your brother’s quirks because he knows this means he gets to be with you.
He’s willing to help you out with your car insurance payment and not throw it in your face. He’s doesn’t play Even Steven. He’s not just making one deposit in the bank, he is making many deposits over and over. And, he doesn’t need to be prompted over and over.
10. You know you are his priority.
If you ask him to go to an event that is important to you. He will, even if it means he has to take time off from work to go. If he travels for work, he checks in with you as soon as he lands and continues to text/call you. He lets you know how the trip is going.
He talks about the details of his day so you know the important things that are happening at work for him. He will tell his mom he needs to call her back when you are in the middle of an important conversation.
11. You still have some time for yourself.
When starting a relationship, it’s easy to put yourself last. This can get old after a while. Your partner will begin to expect this from you.
Don’t be afraid to set boundaries. If you need some downtime, then let him know. You can take a bubble bath or go out with some friends — whatever you need to revive.
The perfect relationship doesn’t just happen.
You need to know what you want, and not be afraid to ask for it. Don’t get caught up in thinking, it will just work out. This means you need to talk to one another and ask lots of questions. This will help you get to know one another. It will also build trust and intimacy in the relationship.
Last, but not least, make sure you have introduced him to your friends and family. Maybe, you have missed something that they will notice. If they are throwing their arms up in the air, then pay attention to that. Don’t be afraid to ask them what they think about him or notice.
After being in a relationship for a while, he should feel comfortable with your friends and family. Also, make sure you have met his friends and family. Does he behave differently around them? If so, then don’t be afraid to ask why.
Don’t date someone because you feel lonely. This will make you feel insecure, and like you can’t ask anything that will upset him. If you feel lonely, then you should take a look at yourself. Is there something in the past that you need to heal from? If the answer is “yes”, then you should get help.
You will feel better equipped in a relationship. This means you won’t doubt yourself or your decisions. Remember, this is your heart and you need to take care of it.
Lianne Avila is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, in San Mateo, CA. For more information, visit Lessons for Love.
