The death of civility?Dictionary definition of civility: Civility is the act of showing regard for others.
Christmas is that time when one enjoys ‘the season of peace and goodwill’ with one’s family, and is probably the only day of the year when one is not disturbed by loud music from bars.
This is in contrast to New Year’s Eve when people party till the morning, and if you don’t want to be disturbed by loud music you had better use earplugs.
This year I spent Christmas day at home with the family: the day started well with breakfast and exchange of gifts, then we set about preparing food because we had invited some friends and extended family for the traditional Christmas dinner.
I was pottering around the kitchen, trying to be of help, but being fairly useless as usual, when I heard a DJ testing his equipment from somewhere close by.
It wasn’t long before I realized that our nearest neighbor had set up some tents and a bouncy castle, and was gearing up for a children’s party.
‘No problem,’ I thought, I will go and speak to her and ask them to play the music at reasonable levels.
Sound waves travel up the contours of a hill, so if someone is making noise below your house it will be very loud. My house was right above this neighbor, so I was getting the full brunt of the music.
I made my way down and visited the neighbor; we exchanged Christmas greetings, I met her children and grandchildren and I spoke to the DJ, because she had hired a big speaker system complete with DJ.
They said they understood that my house was close and that the sound travelled up, so they would keep the music down.
I left happy that there was a spirit of goodwill and understanding, but this did not seem to last long.
By lunchtime the sound had been racked up to uncomfortable levels, so I asked the guard to go down and point out that it was getting louder.
He returned with the information that they would turn it down, but nothing happened. So I returned to the neighbour’s compound.
I approached some middle-aged ladies, and shouting to make myself heard above the music, I explained that the music was so loud it was causing serious disturbance.
‘We are Africans and we enjoy loud music,’ was the reply. ‘If you don’t like our music, you can go back to your house and put on your own loud music.’ She clearly saw me as a white man who did not understand her culture.
Another lady told me that it was their party and they had the right to play loud music if they wanted. ‘But it is Christmas day,’ I remonstrated, feeling very unjustly done by.
I would have understood if it had not been Christmas day and they were holding a wedding or family function.
In that case I would have left my house until the function was over, but this was a small children’s party, which they could have enjoyed with less high volume music.
I left them to their party, and gradually throughout the day the volume increased, so that we had to abandon the house and move to a part of the garden as far away from the music as possible.
I was disappointed by their response, since we are neighbours, which is all the more reason for us to show consideration for the other.
It later occurred to me that some of the most vicious fights in Uganda are between neighbours, so perhaps this disagreement was par for the course. I did not judge this a cultural issue.
I was happy for them to have their children’s party and play music, just not so loud. This was an issue of civility, ‘Civility is the act of showing regard for others.’
When churches broadcast loud singing, fervent praying and preaching they should also balance it with civility, since having regard for others is a core Christian value.
Even though Uganda is touted as having friendly people, and Ugandans are generally thought to be polite, and courteous, I wonder what is happening to our society since more and more people feel they have the right to do whatever they want, even though they know it is at the expense of others.I did not want to stop their children’s party.
I wanted them to enjoy themselves, and I thought that by exercising compromise it could be a win win.
But these ladies viewed the situation as a zero sum: they would not compromise, so I had to pay.
Civility does not take away your rights, but it tempers your decisions because you take into account how your actions affect others.
Are more people losing the sense of civility in what they do because they feel it is a dog eat dog society? Are we witnessing the death of civility?
Adapted from DR-IAN CLARKE Facebook Page